Script 3

1. INT. APARTMENT - DAY

Three young men, all of whom appear to be in their early 20s, are sat down chatting in a living room - we join them in the middle of a rather deep conversation.

Steve - (animated)...so that's how it is, I'm tellin' you. The universe is just vomit sprayed out on to some sort of spacey canvas. Our planet is like, y'know, a chunk in the vomit.

Terry - (confused) You seriously believe that?

Steve - Well, it's definitely a possibility y'know. Just saying, I'd find it pretty funny to see how all these religious wackos will react when they find out we're just a colossal chunder.

Terry - Hmm, it'd be interesting, but I imagine it's quite a long shot. There's a lot of other stuff the universe could be, aside from vomit.

James - (unconvinced) Mate, what a crock of shit. If we're just a load of fuckin' sick, then who the fuck threw us up?!

Steve - A supreme being, you knob.

James - Shut it Stephen Hawking - you've had one spliff and you think you're fuckin' off into space, learning the "nature of the universe". Off your tits, more like.

Terry - Nah man, I think Steve's definitely got half a point. Anything's possible, y'know. Who's to say that we aren't just someone's dream, or hallucination, or whatever.

Steve - That kind of thinking's mostly been done Terry - I genuinely reckon I can work wonders with this vomit stuff. Write some pretentious philosophical book, make thousands of pounds. I'll be raking it in.

James - Making money out of a book on vomit. A new fuckin' low mate. In fact, I'd say it would make me sick to my stomach, but I don't reckon I could stand the smirk you'd have on your face due to the irony, or whatever it is you call it. You don't half talk some shit.

Steve - Deary me James, I think you definitely need to unwind and relax, I was only speculating. I also think we could do without the constant swearing too, what d'ya reckon?

James - You really are a fuckin' mug. You better have ordered food an' all, I'm dying for some grub mate.

Steve - Yeah, I did that a while ago -- when I think about it, how come you didn't order? I'm the potential writer, after all. Us intellectuals, we need all the spare time we have to think you see.

Terry - You're even winding me up now Steve, just zip it. There's only so much this brotherly bond can take.

James - Blood is thicker than water mate, and Steve is just piss. Always remember that.

Steve - When did this turn into a rant against me? You'll both be begging me for friendship when 'Primordial Puke' becomes a number one bestseller.

Terry - You just don't know when to give it a rest, do you Steve?

James - If this book ever gets to number one, I'll buy one just to be sick all over it. Notice the irony in that, eh Steve?

Steve - I highly recommend you don't do that, 'cos if you personally ever ended up becoming the God of some small society, James, it would no doubt end up being a horrific dystopia for all the poor inhabitants involved.

James - Well, it's a good thing your entire philosophy is a load of wank then, isn't it?

Terry - (laughs, gets up due to knock at the door but still talking)
I think he's got you there Stevie. Give it more of a think when your mind isn't up in the clouds, deciding which ones look like Pokémon.
(opens door, takes food and brings it into the other 2)
Is the four cheese one yours Steve? Genuinely looks like vomit.