Some say it destroys people,
I guess I can see why.
Others call it the root of all evil,
It's definitely made me cry.
"Ignore the poor and feel regal"
The question I ask is why?
Wednesday 24 February 2010
Saturday 6 February 2010
Script 2
[1 enters the local pub and sees 2 sat down in a far corner, alone, with a horrified expression on his face. 1 buys a round and joins his friend.]
1: Jesus, what happened to you? Has the sight of modern civilisation finally made an impact on your neurotic brain?
2: I have just had the single most shocking experience in my entire life on my way down here.
1: What?
2: Well, I was walking along, minding my own business - as you do - when the Big Issue bloke who's always outside the Four Arms - you know the one right? - He came up to me and said ---
1: I can't say I know who you're referring to but I'll take a wild stab in the dark as to what he said [hesistates]..."Big Issue, Big Issue"?
2: Don't get lippy, this story will change your perspective of all Big Issue salesman who currently work under the light of the Sun.
1: Why is the voice of reason inside my head now telling me that I should have bought a much stronger drink...
2: He comes and says "Would you like a copy of the Big Issue, sir?" and I just said "No thank you, I'm in a rush" blah blah blah, the usual bollocks you say to get out of it. But seriously, after I declined this guy started going mental, lobbing copies of the magazine at me and everything - started shouting about how he's gonna find me and tear me apart and feed my body to the homeless masses and all this stuff...I scarpered off, naturally, but it's been playing on my mind ever since.
1: Seriously? Well, what did he look like?
2: ...I guess he was a bit of a big guy...a few tattoos here and there. He had that "I'm an ex-convict" look about him, biceps the size of my head - you know the sort. I shouldn't have expected any better of a Big Issue salesman I suppose.
1: I hate to say this, but of all the Big Issue sellers I've ever seen, I don't think even one has resembled an ex-Borstal boy with "R.I.P MUM" indented into his forehead. Are you sure he was selling magazines or just holding some?
2: Of course he was selling, what do you think am, an idiot?! Oh yes, I should have guessed as much - its all one big laugh for you isn't it? My life was placed in the firing line by a man who has clearly seen more weapons pulled out on him than a soldier.
1: You want my honest opinion? If he was a legitimate Big Issue street-sales guy he was probably just having a bad day - I mean, yeah it's a bit extreme, but the guy's poor and just trying to get by. You should have known better than to get mouthy really.
2: [angrily shouting now, people around begin to stare at him - 1 looks embarrassed throughout] Oh, so it's MY fault now?! MY fault that I just so happened to run into a nut-job who quite clearly possesses less social etiquette than that of an ape? A man who is so disturbingly psychotic that he chooses to spend the remains of his destitute life threatening the secured classes of society by claiming the impoverished will EAT them?!?!
1: I definitely think you're taking this a tad too seriously...then again, nothing new there I suppose
2: I just find it very annoying that you always go against me, no matter what the scenario may be. If I'd had my flat raided by burglars, you'd still probably come out with [mocking tone] "Oh, well maybe they were having a bad day, ra ra ra, blah blah blah---"
1: LISTEN! I'm not going against you, I was -- look, can we please just change the subject?!
2: [pacified but still agitated] Fine. How's your day been anyway, get that computer sorted?
1: Don't ask, finding out what's specifically wrong with it has been harder than I ever could have imagined, they're sending a repair bloke out to me within the next week.
2: Why didn't you just ask me to sort it in the first place? I worked for that computer firm near my place for years, I could tell what was wrong with it in an instant, I bet you.
1: I think that what you have just suggested is possibly the worst idea ever to have been created by a human mind.
2: [sarcastically, rising again] Oh REALLY. And why, Mr. Cynic, is it such a bad suggestion?!
1: Do you want the novella or the long, Russian novel style, epic version?
2: Just spit it out.
1: Well isn't it obvious? You're too angry. One mistake and you'd destroy my computer. Seriously, therapy wouldn't go amiss with you.
[2 is now so infuriated that he storms out of the pub, leaving his drink half-finished. 1 sees him through the window storming down the street]
Man By The Bar: What's his problem?
1: He's just upset cos he lost a copy of the Big Issue.
1: Jesus, what happened to you? Has the sight of modern civilisation finally made an impact on your neurotic brain?
2: I have just had the single most shocking experience in my entire life on my way down here.
1: What?
2: Well, I was walking along, minding my own business - as you do - when the Big Issue bloke who's always outside the Four Arms - you know the one right? - He came up to me and said ---
1: I can't say I know who you're referring to but I'll take a wild stab in the dark as to what he said [hesistates]..."Big Issue, Big Issue"?
2: Don't get lippy, this story will change your perspective of all Big Issue salesman who currently work under the light of the Sun.
1: Why is the voice of reason inside my head now telling me that I should have bought a much stronger drink...
2: He comes and says "Would you like a copy of the Big Issue, sir?" and I just said "No thank you, I'm in a rush" blah blah blah, the usual bollocks you say to get out of it. But seriously, after I declined this guy started going mental, lobbing copies of the magazine at me and everything - started shouting about how he's gonna find me and tear me apart and feed my body to the homeless masses and all this stuff...I scarpered off, naturally, but it's been playing on my mind ever since.
1: Seriously? Well, what did he look like?
2: ...I guess he was a bit of a big guy...a few tattoos here and there. He had that "I'm an ex-convict" look about him, biceps the size of my head - you know the sort. I shouldn't have expected any better of a Big Issue salesman I suppose.
1: I hate to say this, but of all the Big Issue sellers I've ever seen, I don't think even one has resembled an ex-Borstal boy with "R.I.P MUM" indented into his forehead. Are you sure he was selling magazines or just holding some?
2: Of course he was selling, what do you think am, an idiot?! Oh yes, I should have guessed as much - its all one big laugh for you isn't it? My life was placed in the firing line by a man who has clearly seen more weapons pulled out on him than a soldier.
1: You want my honest opinion? If he was a legitimate Big Issue street-sales guy he was probably just having a bad day - I mean, yeah it's a bit extreme, but the guy's poor and just trying to get by. You should have known better than to get mouthy really.
2: [angrily shouting now, people around begin to stare at him - 1 looks embarrassed throughout] Oh, so it's MY fault now?! MY fault that I just so happened to run into a nut-job who quite clearly possesses less social etiquette than that of an ape? A man who is so disturbingly psychotic that he chooses to spend the remains of his destitute life threatening the secured classes of society by claiming the impoverished will EAT them?!?!
1: I definitely think you're taking this a tad too seriously...then again, nothing new there I suppose
2: I just find it very annoying that you always go against me, no matter what the scenario may be. If I'd had my flat raided by burglars, you'd still probably come out with [mocking tone] "Oh, well maybe they were having a bad day, ra ra ra, blah blah blah---"
1: LISTEN! I'm not going against you, I was -- look, can we please just change the subject?!
2: [pacified but still agitated] Fine. How's your day been anyway, get that computer sorted?
1: Don't ask, finding out what's specifically wrong with it has been harder than I ever could have imagined, they're sending a repair bloke out to me within the next week.
2: Why didn't you just ask me to sort it in the first place? I worked for that computer firm near my place for years, I could tell what was wrong with it in an instant, I bet you.
1: I think that what you have just suggested is possibly the worst idea ever to have been created by a human mind.
2: [sarcastically, rising again] Oh REALLY. And why, Mr. Cynic, is it such a bad suggestion?!
1: Do you want the novella or the long, Russian novel style, epic version?
2: Just spit it out.
1: Well isn't it obvious? You're too angry. One mistake and you'd destroy my computer. Seriously, therapy wouldn't go amiss with you.
[2 is now so infuriated that he storms out of the pub, leaving his drink half-finished. 1 sees him through the window storming down the street]
Man By The Bar: What's his problem?
1: He's just upset cos he lost a copy of the Big Issue.
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