Script

[Two men sit in a living room; one is tampering with his computer as a means to repair it, the other sits on a sofa reading a magazine]

1: Stupid, infernal - [electrical fizz, indicating that something has indeed gone wrong]...this really isn’t going well.

2: Who’s Ed?

1: [Looks up from what he is doing] Ed?

2: Why do some magazines randomly have ‘Ed’ next to certain phrases? I mean, is there a guy named “Ed” who goes around printing houses, adding in his own quips as a sort of commentary to the article?

1: [Resigns back to his broken computer] Your stupidity really has broken new boundaries. It means ‘Editor’. It’s so the Editor can add his own thoughts or insight when, y’know, editing the magazine.

2: [Genuinely surprised] Oh yeah! That never crossed my mind really.

1: Just stick the TV on or something - I imagine if I hear your inane babbling for much longer I’ll probably start regressing.

2: [Beats his chest jokingly, accompanied by random grunts. Turns TV on.] Where’s the remote? It’s stuck on some channel showing a Sean Connery movie. I can’t stand Sean Connery.

1: Why? [in mock Scottish accent] He’s not that bad.

2: He’s another prime example of an actor who doesn’t act. How he ever fit the requirements of the job description, I’ll never know. I mean, you could put him in an adaptation of “Tarzan”, a man devoid of any human contact for his entire lifespan, and he’d still talk in that embarrassing Scottish accent.

1: Alright, alright, you’ve made your point. I don’t know where the remote is. Get up and change it manually.

2: Can’t be bothered. What are we doing today, haven’t you fixed that computer yet?

1: Funnily enough the insides of a computer aren’t composed of 3 simple wires. It’s a delicately constructed system, intricate in almost all of its aspects. A true cornerstone of engineering. I’m sure these things might come as a shock to you, Mr. Neil Anderthal.

2: Will you please stop with the Caveman digs? If you don’t fix it soon I may just have to abandon you and find something magical to keep me occupied.

1: Then go. You’re probably the reason I can’t fix this thing.

2:[Stands up, heads out the door] I’ll ring you later or something. My mind isn’t feeling too great to tell you the truth.

1: What happened to the magical exploits?

2: Well um...I don’t know. I’m hungover, the loud noise of a pub or the jostling of a busy street would be the end of me. See you tonight, I’m sure.

1: Ah yes, I still need to conduct my brain experiments.

2: Hilarious. [Exits]

1: [Gives up repairing the computer and desperately tries to find the helpline in the manual] Customer services...helpline...ah, here it is. [Dials the number]

3: [An employee of the computer firm answers in a thick Scottish accent] How can I help?

1: [Laughs at the thought of Sean Connery sat down at a companies customer service desk] Tarzan?